Today I was all ready to get started! I walked into the room, took one look at my DEN and had the horrible realisation that what I had done was create one MASSIVE 3D blank canvas right in the middle of my studio! And boy did my Shit Committee have a field day!
The DEN as a blank canvas!
I knew pushing myself out of my comfort zone would mean that they would raise their voices but I didn't expect it so soon and I didn't expect it to be so paralysing! Sometimes, no matter how much I want to get started on a project, the actual act of starting can feel overwhelming...especially when it's something I care about. My fabulous mentor describes that starting point as a line and says that sometimes that line can feel more like a gaping chasm when in reality it's just a line and all we have to do is step over it. She's absolutely right but at that moment there was no way in the world I could pick up a paint brush and put a mark on it! No way!
How I felt when I looked at the DEN this morning!
My Shit Committee, having got their coffee and biscuits, cleared their throats, shuffled their papers on the boardroom table, sat up properly in their seats and then bombarded me with thoughts such as 'This is stupid'. 'You don't know what the hell you are doing!'. 'What if what you create on it isn't good enough!'. 'What if you RUIN it!'. sigh
So what did I do about my Shit Committee lovely people of the internet? I started trying to put together a plan of what I was going to paint in order to shut them up! I am an intuititve painter...planning a painting sucks all the creative joy right out of me. Did that stop me from trying to plan what I was going to paint on the front of the DEN? No. No it did not! I got myself into a right tizz! By the time lovely husband popped his head round the door I was surrounded by bits of paper, no nearer a decision regarding what I was going to paint and on the verge of tears. He listenend to my wobbly 'This is important to me. I want to honour that little girl. I want to do a good job' gave me a big hug and said 'Carol. This is your project. There is no right, wrong, good or bad. You just have to do it!'. He's right!
Getting the negative thoughts out my head!
Tomorrow is another day! (And to those joining in with their own resiDENcy - I highly recommend that you skip this particular bit! There is absolutely no need for you to go through this stage! lol)
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