The Den: Fear, Avoidance & the Unexpected Return

The resiDENcy – truth and transparency time.

When I built The Den in my studio, I was excited. Energized. Full of possibility. I had created a giant 3D wooden canvas—a space I envisioned as a portal into a new project, a deep-dive into immersive work. It was physical, symbolic, and ambitious.

And then… I freaked out.

What I had built was too open-ended. The possibilities were infinite. And instead of stepping inside and creating, I found myself paralyzed by the fear of failure. The project was meant to be a gift of space and time, but suddenly it felt like a looming obligation ... one I wasn’t sure how to meet.

Last September, I shared that I was struggling. And instead of going inside The Den and beginning, I painted its front. It was easier to decorate the threshold than to step through it. A classic avoidance move.

The Den sat in the middle of my studio like a silent witness. I used it as a table for my palette. I stored work inside it. I set up an easel next to it. But I never entered it...not physically, not creatively.

It became a kind of monument to my fear. But I never ignored it. It kept looking at me. And I kept looking back.

Over time, something started to stir. Small at first. I began writing during odd moments...notes, thoughts, poetic fragments. I wasn’t sure what it was yet, but I followed the thread. The more I wrote, the more excited I got. A world started to take shape. A project unlike anything I’ve done before.

And then, suddenly, it all came together.

This is what The Den was for.

Now, months later, I have over 20 pages of world-building. A fleshed-out concept. A title and tagline. Lore to support the narrative. A specific palette. A language. An artist statement. 18 painting titles...each with a tagline, a found poetic fragment, and dialogue. I even created a fictional curator, and gave one part of the project its own voice. That part alone took a full day to craft.

This is not how I usually work...but it feels right.

And if I can pull it off, I hope it will be immersive, rich, and thought-provoking.

A resiDENcy is never really about the output (although I’m hoping the output will resonate) it’s about the journey. And let me tell you, I’ve been through every emotion along the way.

But I’m here now.

In The Den.

Working on the work.

And it feels good.

Thanks for sticking with me.

More resiDENcy updates will be coming.

Watch this space.